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Well boys, we are officially in the thick of it now. The Draft has come and gone, opening day is in the the rearview mirror, and the first big test for the 12 League members has been completed as we head into October with the first round of divisional play completed. With three games in the books the season is starting to take shape, teams are contemplating major shakeups, and storylines are starting to emerge. Lets take a look at the major stories in each division so far, before we break out the League Power Ratings.

THE EAST

We start of course with defending League Champion Frank The Tank, who is off to a blistering 3-0 start in his title defense. Led by the feared Mahomes/Kelce stack, Frank has swatted away all challenger in the early going, gaining an early 2 game cushion in the divisional race. Frank has now won 11 straight games dating back to last season, the longest winning streak of his career and tied for the second longest winning streak in the last 15 seasons.

Behind Frank are a trio of 1-2 teams all struggling to break out from the pack. Jacky G is the only team in the division to top 100 points in all three weeks, but has just one win to show for it. After an opening week win, the Maven hasn’t been able to top 91 points in either of the next two. BJC will carry a bit of momentum into week 4, after he finally got a W last week and snapped what was an 11 game losing streak dating back to last year.

THE CENTRAL

The only division without an undefeated team, The Central is certainly a bit murkier than The East. Tied at 2-1 each are Cody’s So Much Honey squad and Meade’s Lobster Beesc bitches. Meade made early waves in The League when he jumped out to a 2-0 start and accused other League members of being beholden to the Yahoo projections, while he himself has done nothing except start the highest possible projected lineup each and every week. Fortunately, he was smacked in the mouth this past week. Cody, meanwhile, has picked up where he left off last season, looking once again to insert himself into the playoff picture. After not making the postseason in his first three years in The League, Cody has reached the dance in 7 of the last 9 years.

Rounding out the bottom half are Jay and Commish, who made it there in very different ways. Jay is among the League leaders in points, but has been a bit snake bitten so far, dropping the last two. Commish lost the first two and finally came away with his first win of the year last week, but it wasn’t an especially impressive performance. Both teams made big trades with teams in the West this week, and hope to be Movin’ On Up in the standings quickly.

THE WEST

Pacing the Wild West are quite possibly the two best teams in the early going, Marky Mark’s Middle Of Spine Hurts and grand wizard of the Koo Kupp Klan Nicky Diamonds. Mark sits undefeated at 3-0, led by powerhouses Josh Allen and Nick Chubb. His team isn’t even firing on all cylinders yet. Meanwhile Diamonds has cruised out to a 2-1 start, the zero-RB strategy he employed in the draft working out to near perfection thus far as he sits second in The League in points scored.

Olsen’s Outatime might soon be outaplayers if the injury bug doesn’t relent soon. He’s missing three starters from the lineup this week in a crucial matchup with the Commish to try and get back to .500. On the plus side, the Tee Higgins acquisition looks like its already paying dividends. And rounding out the division is our most recent Anthem singer, Vaffy kid. After a narrow loss in week 1 that saw him score 130 points, it has been two straight weeks of poor showings. The Deandre Swift injury forced his hand into dealing for Jamaal Williams and Diontae Johnson this week in an effort to turn the tide on a ship that has lost 7 straight since last year.

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And now to the Official League Power Ratings, 2022 edition. The League Power Rating, or LPR for short, is part of The League Historical Society’s efforts to compare teams not just today, but across the entirety of The League’s history. LPR measures average points per game (compared against the league average in points per game that season), ability to put up huge point totals while avoiding clunkers (high score + low score, again compared to the league average), and of course winning percentage. There are currently 194 individual seasons logged in The League’s database, and the average LPR is a nice even 100. Which is the point. So if your LPR is, say 110, that means you are 10% better than the average team not only this season, but in all season’s past. And if your LPR is 90, you’re 10% worse than the average team. The lowest LPR ever recorded is 69.6, and the highest is 141. The highest since 2007 however is 128.3. The ratings so far here in 2022

1. MiddleOfSpineHurts – 125.5
2. Frank The Tank – 124.1
3. So Much Honey – 121.7
4. Koo Kupp Klan – 119.4
5. Lobster Beesc – 107.9
6. Movie’ On Up – 99.9
7. 2 Feets In – 95.9
8. Outatime – 87.1
9. Dear Leader – 84.6
10. Meat Mavens – 81.9
11. Brainbusters – 80.1
12. Feed Me MOORE – 71.1

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NOTE ON SURVIVOR

As you all know, there are currently three League members on death row for the crime of being terrible at fantasy football in the first three weeks: BJC, Ant, and Vaf. Their appeals have been rejected, and their executions will take place this coming Tuesday, at 9 AM, along with whoever else is terrible at fantasy football in Week 4. The manner of their deaths is TBD.

After four months, it comes down to just one day. Ten of the dozen who embarked on the journey back in September have found their ships sunk to the unforgiving bottom of the League ocean. As the dawn breaks on this Sunday, January 2, 2022, only two still sail on towards the goal of immortality.

No Thursday nonsense. No Saturday bullshit. No, these two teams are going to duke it out on the high seas, one will win, one will lose, and it will all go down on a Sunday. The Lord’s Day. As the Fantasy Gods intended. Time to go to church.

1. FRANK THE TANK (10-5) vs 2. 2 FEETS IN (9-6)

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It’s a classic 1 seed vs 2 seed matchup in the Championship, but these two teams journeys to the top seeds were anything but typical. Frank The Tank came into this year with his eye on avenging his Championship Game loss to Vaf from a year ago, but stumbled out of the gates; he began the season 3-5, 4 games back in the East and fighting for his playoff life. Since then he’s run off an astounding 7 straight wins, the longest win streak in his career, not only catching Cody en route to a stunning division title but claiming The League’s best record and earning his 5th career Championship Game Appearance. A career 1-3 in these games, losing the last 3, Frank has an opportunity to join the exclusive club of multiple time League Champs and etch his name into Ol’ Glory for the first time since 2007.

While not quite the same turnaround, not many expected Jack to have earned the Central Division and a bye back in the middle of the season. 2 Feets In was a middling 2-3 through 5 games and 3-4 through 7 games, struggling to stay above water in a division with a clear favorite in BJC who raced out to a 5-2 start. But then Brian’s collapse opened a crack in the door and Jacky G busted straight through it, winning 5 of the last 7 to close out the regular season and earn the division title and the coveted bye.

Both teams are coming off tremendous wins in the Semi Finals, where Frank’s team, overrun by covid, still managed to defeat Meade and Jack pulled off on epic comeback in a shootout against the Meat Maven who has still yet to win a playoff game that isn’t against Mark. Jack is the projections favorite in this one by 10+ points but both of these teams are capable of putting up fireworks, especially now that Frank’s stars return from the covid list.

As he has all year, Jack will rely heavily on his stable of wide receivers: Diggs, Allen, and Waddle are maybe The League’s most explosive trio of receivers. Dak seemed to get his groove back last week, Aaron Jones is always a threat to drop a 30 point game, and Sony Michel seems to have grabbed control of the Rams backfield. It’s not crazy to say that at a time when most teams are succumbing to the war of attrition, Jack’s roster might be at its strongest its been all season.

On the other side, Frank is also in pretty decent shape after weathering the storm last week. Kelce and Ekeler return to their featured roles, teaming up with a red hot Josh Allen to give Frank the type of firepower to match up with or overwhelm anybody at 3 different positions on the field. Mike Williams returns as well, and Frank’s stash of Ronald Jones paid off big time as Lenny Fournette went down to injury. The wild card here could be Odell Beckham Jr., who might get the start over a limited Mike Evans. Either way, that decision by Frank could turn out to be crucial.

There’s been projections, predictions, and prognostications all week but only one thing is for certain: at the end of the day, The League will have a newly crowned champion. Good luck fellas.

ANTHEM BOWL PREVIEW

11. Ressica Jobinson (4-10) vs 12. The Diamond Empire (3-11)

And now on to the real game. Just like the 1 and 2 seeds matching up in the Championship Game, the 11 and 12 seeds will match up in a scintillating Anthem Bowl matchup. Unlike the other game, this one was not much of a surprise as Diamonds and Vaf struggled to get anything going at all at any point this season. I could give you the rosters and break down the matchup and all that. But a) I’m running out of time and b) it wouldn’t exactly be a battle of the stars we’re talking about. I mean, these teams are here for a reason.

Vaf and Diamonds are both prior Anthem singers, and the loser of this matchup will join an exclusive list of multiple time singers. Vaf is looking to avoid the extra stain of becoming the first team to go from winning the title one year to singing The Anthem the next.

The Anthem Bowl has given The League some of its most exciting moments, and all we can hope for is that this game lives up to the hype. These two opponents have handled themselves with class all year en route to what seemed like an inevitable matchup and here’s hoping they are rewarded with one last bit of fantasy excitement before the year comes to a close.

As the temperature falls the tension rises. A dozen men embarked on a journey in early September, their spirits filled like sails from a warm summer breeze. Quickly their path was beset from all sides by obstacles large and small; broken bones, torn ligaments, disease, and bye weeks. As the seasons turned, the voyagers faced existential questions of the type fueled by crises, and the only answer left unconsidered and unacceptable was “turn back”.

No, for these men there was no turning back, no returning to the comforting shores of summer. You see, these men had made a commitment, to themselves, to each other, and to The League. For nearly two decades The League has trekked out on an annual pilgrimage, knowing full well the dangers lurking beneath the water, for the chance of attaining glory.

Ol’ Glory. That was the goal. Is the goal. Always and perpetually. Sure, the gold that comes along with it is a fitting reward. But gold is fleeting. Glory lasts forever. And only one man each year gets to etch his name into eternity.

The journey, like all journey’s past, became a war of attrition, claiming waiver wire pickups and first round picks alike without fear or favor. One by one they fell, their dreams dashed upon the rocks of poor draftings or swallowed by the ceaseless waves of injury. Far from etching their names into eternity, they were consigned to the ash heap of history. Nameless, faceless, another victim of the seas. Fish food (RIP Lenny).

After 14 arduous weeks, the voyage has claimed half the dozen. The other half remain, battered yet unbroken, weakened yet strengthened, weary yet energized. They can see the shore. They can see themselves pulling up to the dock of greatness. They can see themselves jumping off their ship of destiny and claiming the ‘ship of The League…

And then the dream fades into a haze. They look around at each other and realize that to make that dream a reality, they must turn these friends to foes and toss them callously into the sea like all the others, ignore the calls of their drowning fellows and sail ceaselessly and unswervingly towards glory. Because there can only be one. The journey continues, but the battle, why the battle, has just begun.

The 2021 League Playoffs has commenced. May the best man win.

3. The Meat Mavens (8-6) vs 6. Pastrami Papi (8-6)

The Meat Mavens exploded out of the gates this year, screaming out ahead of the pack to an incredible 6-0 start, the best in team history. Since then, however, the wheels have started to wobble and the check engine light has come on. After topping 120 points in 6 of his first 7 games, Tony has only topped 115 points twice since, failing to clear even 100 points in 4 of his last 6. All of this has added up to 2-6 finish. Still enough to win the West, but more than enough to hit the panic button.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Pastrami Papi, who started the season 2-4 but, after swindling the Commish in a trade to acquire Alvin Kamara and Chris Godwin for a couple of lemons, won 6 of his last 8. He comes into the playoffs among the hottest teams in The League, after a resounding win over tormentor The Knights of Ryan in a win and in Week 14 matchup.

Ant jumped out to an early lead last night behind a 170 yard performance from team MVP Jonathan Taylor. Starting 3 RBs, Ant will look to continue his gains on the ground with Chuba Hubbard and Miles Sanders in the flex. Deebo Samuel is always a threat to score, but the main player to watch for the Mavens through the air is probably DK Metcalf. DK has been slumping, his downturn coincidentally or not occurring around the same time Ant started racking up losses. Metcalf hasn’t reached double digits in points since Halloween, and Ant will need him to regain his form if he is going to advance in the postseason for the second time in his career.

Mark’s squad is powered by his ground game as well, with Alvin Kamara, Joe Mixon, and ascending rookie Javonte Williams forming a 3 headed monster in recent weeks that propelled him into the postseason. Chris Godwin has taken advantage of the absence of Antonio Brown to return to a primary weapon down in Tampa, catching 10+ balls in each of the last two games. Pastrami Papi faces interesting decisions at WR2 and QB, where he currently has Michael Gallup and Jalen Hurts plugged in. The other options are Christian Kirk and Taysom Hill. Maybe the decision won’t be crucial, but these coin flips often turn out to be game-deciding in close playoff matchups.

Ant swept Mark in the season series, and this game is a rematch of his first career playoff victory from last year. Can Mark turn the tide in this matchup like he did on the season as a whole?

4. So Much Honey (9-5) vs 5. Lobster Beesc (9-5)

It’s a bit surprising to see Diesel have to play in the wild card round, considering his 5-0 start and finishing the season as the overall points leader, but a quick peek behind the curtains shows you why. So Much Honey has been ravaged by injuries, with season ending ailments to Run CMC and Chris Carson causing his ship to leak like he’s being worked on by an illegal masseuse. Still, Cody has navigated the deluge of honey like the experienced pro he is, swallowing the sticky situation whole and continuing to rack up numbers.

Meade’s season was tinged with controversy over his absurd roster moves regarding Mark Ingram, drawing accusations that he lacks integrity. While that is undoubtedly true, for some reason the fantasy gods saw fit to bestow upon him a playoff berth. Meade’s had some low points this year, but he managed to rack up wins, including wins in 6 of his last 8 to comfortably reach the postseason.

The early games in this matchup were not kind to Cody. Duds from Darrell Williams and Michael Pittman have put him behind the 8 ball, but a strong showing from Indy’s defense last night has kept him in play with his big guns still to go. Tom Brady, Cooper Kupp, and Justin Jefferson form an explosive aerial attack that can quickly put games out of reach for his opponents. Injuries have necessarily made this a top heavy team, as Cody looks to come out on top in a matchup of two guys who do most of their work from the bottom.

Meade got a huge performance last night from Hunter Henry to stake him to an early lead. Trotting out a 3 RB lineup typical of this year’s playoff teams, Josh Jacobs, Gaskin, and the returning Michael Carter form a hit or miss trio. The strength of Meade’s team is undoubtedly the Aaron Rodgers to Davante Adams connection, and Meade will be looking for those two to hook up early and often to keep Cody at bay.

These two teams split their season series, with Meade winning last week to dash Cody’s hopes at the division title and a bye. The real winner of the series will be determined in Round 3.

After 11 weeks and a crowning of a new Survivor champion (congrats to Olsen), we have reached the precipice of the season thus far. The second set of division games that close out the season has historically been filled with drama and intrigue and this season looks to be no different. With 11 teams still in the mix and 7 teams within 1 game of a playoff spot, the last three weeks are shaping up to be season-defining. Lets dive in with a division by division breakdown of all the action ahead.

THE EAST

Remaining Schedule:

Week 12: So Much Honey vs. Frank the Tank, Lobster Beesc vs. Ressica Jobinson

Week 13: So Much Honey vs. Ressica Jobinson, Lobster Beesc vs. Frank the Tank

Week 14: So Much Honey vs. Lobster Beesc, Ressica Jobinson vs. Frank the Tank

This season has not seen many teams pull away from the pack, but if there’s one team that fits the bill as a title contender it belongs to [redacted]. [Redacted]’s So Much Honey squad has pulled out to a League best 8-3 record and can punch a playoff, division, and bye ticket this week, potentially becoming the first team to do so. It’s even more impressive when you consider that [redacted] has been without number one overall pick CMC for a large part of the season.

But while it certainly seems like a near certainty that [redacted] will be headed to the playoffs just a year after singing the Anthem, the last three weeks may not just be a simple coronation. Meade has battled out all season to be within just a game of [redacted], but the tiebreaker scenarios mean that Meade will have to finish the season with the better record if he’s going to win the division. That means Meade will most likely have to win out, and hope Frank or Vaf can knock off So Much Honey in weeks 12 or 13 before Meade can stun him out of the East title and likely a bye in Week 14.

Things are even more difficult for Frank the Tank’s division chances. Frank sits two games back so he doesn’t control his own destiny and will need to not only beat [redacted] this week but get some help in Weeks 13 and 14. However, if he does manage to catch [redacted] in the overall standings, he’ll end up with the better division record and wind up holding the crown. A win this week is an absolute necessity though.

Realistically, the best chance for Meade, Frank, and Vaf (his only chance) to reach the playoffs is through the crowded wild card field. Currently Meade sits in the 4 seed and Frank in the 6 seed, but neither have commanding point total leads on any of the teams chasing them. Vaf is in dire straits, likely needing to win out to have any chance of the postseason.

While every game is important at this point, the huge potential swing game is Meade and Frank’s Week 13 matchup. A Frank win would hugely boost his playoff odds and pull Meade back to the wild card pack, while the opposite result could spell doom for the Tank and seal up a postseason berth for Meade.

THE CENTRAL

Remaining Schedule:

Week 12: 2 Feets In vs Brainbusters, Trader Jay’s vs Diamond Empire

Week 13: 2 Feets In vs. Diamond Empire, Trader Jay’s vs Brainbusters

Week 14: 2 Feets In vs Trader Jay’s, Brainbusters vs Diamond Empire

No division has taken a bigger hit in the last few weeks than the Central, with every team entering the final division slate off a loss and 3 of the 4 teams licking their wounds off 3+ straight losses. While the past month has certainly not been kind, Jacky G’s 2 Feets In squad came out of the storm with a slim 1 game division lead. The division’s current point leader with a strong 2-1 division record, Jack is certainly in a position to capitalize and make the postseason the easy way.

Right on his heels though is the free falling Brainbusters squad, that early on looked like a legitimate title contender before Derrick Henry’s injury sent him spiraling on a 4 game losing streak, dropping him not only out of the division lead but currently out of a playoff spot entirely. Henry is not expected to return before the end of the regular season, so Brian will have to find some way to plug the holes in this sinking ship if he wants to take advantage of his thus far pristine 3-0 division record and fight back into the Central’s top spot.

Also only a game behind is Trader Jay’s, but the one game deficit hides the fact that the climb is quite a bit steeper than that. Jay’s 1-2 division record and points deficit to the other two contending teams likely requires him to win out in order to claim the top division spot. All 3 teams also have the wild card route, which promises to be filled with even more chaos.

Plus, while they may thing the eliminated Diamonds gas nothing left to play for except to play spoiler, there is still the chance Diamonds can climb out of the 12 or 11 spots into the Anthem Bowl and position himself much better while dragging the rest of the division down into the muck with him.

The biggest game to watch as of right now is this week’s Jack vs Brian matchup. Jack can gain an effective two game lead in the division race (literally over Brian, while the tiebreaker advantage over Jay will be big even if he pulls off a win). Meanwhile Brian can climb back into the top spot with a win while giving himself a 2 game lead in division record over everyone else in the division. That game will tell us a lot about how the rest of the season will shake out in The Central.

THE WEST

Week 12: Meat Mavens vs Pastrami Papi, Knights of Ryan vs Bishop Sycamore

Week 13: Meat Mavens vs Knights of Ryan, Pastrami Papi vs Bishop Sycamore

Week 14: Meat Mavens vs Bishop Sycamore, Pastrami Papi vs Knights of Ryan

The West is yet another division that’s tough to navigate, but can gain some major clarity depending on this weekends outcomes. The Meat Mavens have struggled as of late, at least compared to their hot start, but enter the final 3 games with a 1 game lead over Pastrami Papi and a 2 game lead over the other two teams. The Maven can clinch the division with a win this week and a Commish loss, but if one of those two outcomes don’t happen things get a whole lot trickier.

Mark needs a win this weekend to stay alive in the divisional race, but a loss this weekend won’t kill his overall playoff chances. But with two teams in his division a game behind him, not to mention the other two 5-6 teams in the Central and fellow 6-5 teams Frank the Tank and 2 Feets In, a loss this weekend will make it much harder for him to stay above the playoff water.

Olsen and the Commish’s matchup is another huge one for both clubs, with their playoff fates likely hanging in the balance. Olsen’s point total gives him a better chance to withstand a loss but also eliminates any margin for error or control of his own destiny, while the Commish’s low point total means he would likely need to finish clearly ahead in the standings or else put up monster point totals the final two weeks. While Olsen’s division record means he has to win out and have Ant lose out to win the division, the Commish’s clearest path to the playoffs is through the division, by winning out and having Ant drop a game this weekend or next, setting up a winner take all matchup for the division title in Week 14.

But it all comes down to this weekend’s games. Let the chaos begin.

Oh, and fuck off Cody.

LPR, or League Power Rating, has been updated this season to be easier to follow and give us a better view of how our current teams stack up against not only the rest of The League but other teams in The League’s storied history. LPR measures average points per game (compared against the league average in points per game that season), ability to put up huge point totals while avoiding clunkers (high score + low score, again compared to the league average), and of course winning percentage. There are currently 182 individual seasons logged in The League’s database, and the average LPR is a nice even 100. Which is the point. So if your LPR is, say 110, that means you are 10% better than the average team not only this season, but in all season’s past. And if your LPR is 90, you’re 10% worse than the average team. The lowest LPR ever recorded is 69.6, and the highest is 141. The highest since 2007 however is 128.3. And now, on to the ratings.

1. So Much Honey – 132.8 LPR (4-0)

Not much of a surprise at the top of the list, as our most recent Anthem singer has exploded out of the gate so fast that it caught even the quickest masseuses by surprise. Undaunted by an early CMC injury, Cody has continued to stack together wins on the backs of a Cooper Kupp and Justin Jefferson led receiving core. Another challenge awaits though as a Chris Carson injury leaves him hurting once again and hoping he didn’t blow his load too early, which would certainly put him once again in a bit of a sticky situation that a wet hand towel certainly can’t handle.

2. Brainbusters – 125.5 LPR (3-1)

After a scorching hot start, BJC got brought down to earth a bit last week, as rival Olsen handed him his first loss of the season. Still, things look promising for Brian. He has yet to put up less than 117 points in a game this season, and Derrick Henry once again has League owners questioning how they ever passed on him in the draft. A huge matchup with our next team looms this week.

3. The Meat Mavens – 125.4 LPR (4-0)

The Maven has yet to lose, but he checks in a hair under BJC in the first rankings of the year. He’ll have a chance to flip that and possibly more this week, as he looks to hand the Bri Guy his second loss in as many weeks and jump out to his first career 5-0 start. It will be tough sledding however, as he was dealt a huge blow with the loss of Russell Wilson in Thursday night’s matchup. Thankfully for him DK Metcalf didn’t seem to give a damn who was playing QB, he just continued catching TDs.

4. 2 Feets In – 109.4 LPR (2-2)

Shockingly enough, that’s the end of the teams with winning records. Jack has been up and down this season, and is also affected by the Russ Bus injury that would certainly seem to limit Tyler Lockett’s potential. But with Diggs, Keenan, and Aaron Jones, Jack has plenty of firepower to dance a 2 step with any of The League’s teams. The winless Ressica Jobinson awaits.

5. Pastrami Papi – 102.5 LPR (2-2)

After an 0-2 start and 2 name changes, Marky Mark finally seems to have hit on the winning formula. Jewish meat sweats on rye has gotten Pastrami Papi out of the cellar and right back into the thick of things with 2 straight victories, the last one over arch rival Frank. NFC East counterparts Terry McLaurin and Zeke Elliot have led the way, and Mark will keep putting out a kosher spread so long as Zeke keeps eating like this.

6. Bishop Sycamore – 102.1 (2-2)

The Commish and Pastrami seem to be on different tracks, as Marky Mark’s rise has coincided with the Commish’s fall. Losing 2 straight and failing to reach the century mark in each, Bishop Sycamore has been left searching for answers to just what’s gone wrong. DeAndre Hopkins getting over his rib injury would be a good start, but the injury to David Montgomery certainly doesn’t help matters.

7. Frank The Tank – 97.6 LPR (2-2)

After winning 2 straight to get above .500, Frank’s team curiously no showed in a big rivalry matchup with Mark in Week 4. He’s hoping his matchup with Olsen this week will prove to be a get right game, with Josh Allen and Travis Kelce poised for a good old fashioned Kansas City shootout. Maybe Mike Evans and new addition Dalton Schultz can ship in as well in the rare but always fun double TE roster setup.

8. Lobster Beesc – 97.0 LPR (2-2)

Meade has definitely flown under the radar this year but he still sits at .500 and right in the thick of things. Aaron Rodgers and Davante Adams pose a blow up threat every week, and Darren Waller is as steady as it gets at TE, but he needs more consistency from the rest of the roster if he’s going to compete for more than table scraps this season.

9. The Knights of Ryan 89.1 LPR (1-3)

Olsen managed to grab a must win victory over one of The League’s early season favorites last week, avoiding the dreaded 0-4 start and gaining some momentum heading into another tough matchup with Frank the Tank. Justin Herbert is proving last year was no fluke, and Tyreek Hill got back to his explosive ways just in time to save Olsen’s season.

10. The Diamond Empire – 75.7 LPR (1-3)

Speaking of getting up off the mat, The Diamond Empire also grabbed their first win of the year last week behind a comeback game from Saquon Barkley. He’ll be missing Calvin Ridley this week, but that could just mean more work for fellow Falcons Mike Davis and Kyle Pitts as Atlanta heads over to foggy old London Town for a matchup with the Jets. Can Nick expand the Empire to Britain and enjoy some tea and crumpets at Cody’s expense (hold the honey please)?

11. Ressica Jobinson – 73.7 LPR (0-4)

Surprisingly enough, Ribby Raf does not sit in the cellar in the first Power Ratings, winless though he may be. That’s probably not much consolation though, as the defensing champ has looked rather defenseless in the early going and his season (and the Trophy) are in danger of slipping away from him.He got a much needed big game out of Robert Woods on Thursday, but he’ll need the rest of the gang including Lamar and Nick Chubb to show up if he’s going to take down Jack to grab his first win of the season.

12. Trader Jay’s – 70.6 LPR (1-3)

It would have been a bit of a shock in League circles if you had said Jay would be sitting at last in the Power Ratings after his stellar opening week showing, but here we are. Jay has dropped 3 straight and looked fairly uncompetitive doing so, failing to top 82 points in any of the outings. He’ll square off with a similarly reeling Bishop Sycamore squad this week, and AJ Brown has been given the green light, so maybe this is just the matchup Trader Jay and Dalvin Cook need to right the ship. Either way, Jay is 2 for 2 on team names this year and that has to count for something.

Some Sunday morning facts and figures for each matchup as we head into Sunday play of the final game of the first slate of division matchups.

The Meat Mavens (2-0) vs Bishop Sycamore (2-0)

While the Maven holds a lifetime losing record against The Commish at 11-15, he has inched considerably closer to .500 over the last few years, claiming 6 of the last 7 head to head matchups. And he has to feel good about his chances of winning this one after his fourth 2-0 start of his career (2006, 2013, 2019). After making history with his first career playoff victory last year, Ant looks to set another personal milestone this week with a win that would give him his first career 3-0 start. A hot start from DJ Moore on Thursday night has these projections neck and neck.

The Commish also comes in boasting a 2-0 record, his first such start since the 2018 season that he’d rather forget (5-0 / 7-2 start that saw him lose his last 4 and miss the postseason). He also has a bit of history on the line here, as he looks to become the first owner to reach the career 150 win mark. Some injury questions linger this week with star wideout DeAndre Hopkins edging towards a gamete decision and Odell Beckham Jr slated to play his first game in nearly a year after a torn ACL. We may see some lineup shuffling from the Commish before kickoff in this pivotal battle for the top of the West.

Jaystar Royco (1-1) vs 2 Feets In (1-1)

These teams had polar opposite week 2 games, starting with Jay who came in off of a stellar opening game performance and laid a huge dud in his week 2 loss to BJC. Jay’s 56 point performance in the loss was his 3rd worst career outing, and his 90 point margin of defeat was the worst of his 13 year career. He gets another shot at career win number 75 this week in a matchup with Jacky G, with the lifetime series between the two teams split at 6 wins a side. Although Jack has won 3 of the last 4, Jay did get the W in last year’s matchup.

Speaking of career win 75, Jack put that notch in his belt last week with a League leading 157 point performance. At 75-77-1 for his career, a win this week would push him to the precipice of a career .500 record, which only 4 League members currently possess. Jack’s performance last week was only 2 points off his career best point total of 159, which he set in week 4 of last season. The projections have Jack as a pretty big favorite this week, as Jay deals with injuries to Dalvin Cook and Jerry Jeudy and AB missing the week with covid.

The Diamond Empire (0-2) vs Brainbusters (2-0)

They say to throw out the stats when divisional foes square off, and the Diamond Empire is perfectly fine with that after its performance the first two weeks. Nick has only started 0-2 in his career one other time, and it was 10 years ago in a season that saw him finish a career worst 2-11. He has failed to reach 91 points in either of the first two games, which he has lost by a combined 120 points. He will once again seek his 75th career victory, but his opponent is maybe The League’s most feared team through the first two weeks. Perhaps the good news is that he’s won 3 of the last 4 matchups against him.

BJC comes in with his first 2-0 start since 2017 and the fourth of his career, but the point totals he’s putting up in this start are much more impressive than any other he’s previously put together. Averaging an astounding 150.5 points per game, its the best two game points stretch of Brian’s 19 year career. He’ll go for his 3rd career 3-0 start this week in matchup featuring the League’s current 1 seed vs the current 12 seed. Brian has a 7-6 career lifetime record, and he’ll look to take another strike at the hear of The Diamond Empire.

Frank The Tank (1-1) vs Ressica Jobinson (0-2)

Frank has very impressive rebound performance in Week 2 to get himself back to .500 and avoid a dreaded 0-2 start. He improved to 15 games over .500 for his career in the process and heads into a rematch of last year’s championship game on a win streak. It also gave him a career 10-9 record vs Meade, a mark he can’t quite claim against defending champ Vaf. The win was made more impressive due to the fact that Jarvis Landry left the game after just 1.4 points. He’ll have a slight projected edge in this one even without Landry, as JuJu slides into the starting lineup for the Tank.

Vaf’s title defense is off to a sputtering start, as he fell to 0-2 for just the second time in his career. The last time he was 0-2 he finished the season a career worst 4-9 in the midst of a 4 year playoff drought. Obviously Vaf is hoping to avoid a similar fate and get back on the right track this week. And at least historically, Frank has been a pretty good matchup for Vaf, as he boasts a career 9-5 record vs the Tank, winning each of the last 3 including, obviously, last year’s championship victory.

Lobster Beesc (1-1) vs So Much Honey (2-0)

Meade has been perfectly mediocre to start the year, averaging just over 100 points and sporting a 1-1 record. In fact he’s been so mediocre I can’t come up with any interesting stats about his season. He caught a break week 1 and didn’t catch a break week 2. However, he did catch another massive break this week with a mid game injury to number one overall pick CMC. Meade’s been dealing a bit in the taboo art of hoping for injuries to other’s teams this year and frankly its disgusting. Its even more disgusting that its working.

On the other end of this matchup is So Much Honey, off to an overwhelming start that’s made masseuse’s statewide rush to get extra towels. Fresh off an outstanding if controversial rendition of the National Anthem, no doubt aided by soothing his vocal chords with copious amounts of warm honey, Cody is 2-0 for the first time since 2017 and looking for the first 3-0 start of his career. His 137 and 153 point outbursts are his best back to back performances since way back in 2013, coincidentally also in weeks 1 and 2. Cody earned his first playoff berth that year, ultimately falling in The League Semis. He’ll look to repeat that trend this year, but it will take some great management these next few weeks with McCaffrey on the sidelines with a hammy injury.

Pastrami Papi (0-2) vs The Knights of Ryan (0-2)

Our only matchup of winless teams features a couple of teams who last went 0-2 in 2018 and never recovered. The good news for one of them is, they both started that year 0-5, which will be impossible this year. The bad news is one of them will have to fall to 0-3. Mark’s team has been slightly better than the record would indicate, averaging about 110 points per game but failing to reach the 120 point mark that has been a sort of win barometer over the last half decade or so. That’s a problem when both of your opponents put up 130+ obviously. His last 0-3 start ended with him going 3-10 on the season. Obviously he’s hoping for a much better outcome to this year.

For Olsen the struggles continue. He’s failed to post a winning record the last 4 years and dropping the first 2 this year brings his current losing streak to 5 games. The loss to The Commish week 1 is understandable with his opponent putting up 148 point points, but his week 2 loss was a big ball of frustration, as he lost 88-82 to Ant behind a no show Sunday night performance from Tyreek Hill. You simply can’t drop games when your opponent fails to score 90 points, and Olsen has only dropped one such game dating back to 2015. While Mark’s had his struggles, historically speaking Daddy Yankee has been a rough draw from Ry O: Mark is 11-6 in the all time series, though over the last 6 these teams are 3-3 against each other. Another fun fact: this is the 3rd year in a row they’ve been in the same division, and in each of the 3 previous years they were in the same division, they split their head to head matchups. Who will draw first blood this year?

After 13 weeks that were, shall we say, unique in The League’s history, the regular season has finally come to a close. Half of The League’s hopes of reaching the promised land have officially been dashed, while the luckier half (emphasis on the lucky where Frank is concerned) (just kidding Frank) (but not really) will move on with hopes of attaining greater glory. For those teams, the book is not yet closed on their power ratings, and their place in The League’s history is not yet set in stone. For the others, although they must now battle it out to avoid last place, the ink is dry on their official stats. We’ll take a look at where things stand, and provide a bit of a post-mortem on the teams who failed to reach the postseason to hopefully put the numbers in a bit more context. Note before we begin: between the current League owners there have been a total of 170 individual seasons, and LPRs have ranged from a high of 173.9 to a low of 88.0. The average is 126.4. On to the ratings:

1. The Undisputed Era (11-2) – 154.7 LPR [up .8 from Week 12]

Unsurprisingly, Vaffy Kid maintains the top spot in the ratings after notching his 11th win, which knocked Jacky G out of the playoffs and catapulted Big Tony in. This has been arguably Vaf’s best regular season of his already storied career. Vaf has only topped 150 in LPR one other time, in his 2011 championship season that saw him become the only team in League history to win back to back titles. If he maintains his current LPR, it would place him as the 6th best team in League history and the third best since 2007. His 11 regular season wins is also a career high. Quite a return to form for Vaf, who had previously missed the postseason the past 4 years, which was the longest active streak in The League. 

2. Frank The Tank (9-4) – 149.0 LPR (up .2)

Frank climbs back into the number two spot with his week 13 win, which also delivered him the Central Division crown and a coveted bye with some help delivered by The Commish. This is Frank’s second career division title, and first bye since his rookie championship season all the way back in 2007. And according to LPR, it is his best season since then as well by a huge margin, as he topped the 140 mark only one other time (this season is currently 13th all time in LPR). It’s been a big year for Frank, as he also reached triple digits in career wins. Now he’ll look to add another trophy to the case.

3. Lobster Beesc (9-4) – 147.3 LPR (down 2.3)

Meade thought he had the division all but locked up with a one game lead and a matchup with The League’s basement dweller Commish. Unfortunately for him, The Commish wasn’t interested in laying down to coronate the defending champ, and put a whooping on him to force him to settle for a wild card berth. Meade now has a date with BJC in round 1, and he’ll have to take the long road if he wants to defend his title and become just the second League member to win back to back ships. In terms of LPR, this is actually currently Meade’s best season ever, ranking 15th all time, slightly better than his career high from last year of 146.5. If he’s to win the title this year, he’ll likely have to improve on that number even farther.

4. CARONIE (8-5) – 139.4 LPR (up 10.7)

Mark saved his best regular season performance for last, putting up a massive 150+ point performance to stun Brian and win the East. It was Mark’s highest scoring output of the year, and pushed his LPR up over 10 points, easily the biggest jump of the week. Mark ended the season on a 5 game win streak and he’ll look to keep it rolling against Big Tony and force a rematch of his rivalry week showdown with Frank. Mark’s season would currently rank 4th on his personal all time list, and 32nd overall.

5. Brainbusters (8-5) – 134.6 LPR (down 1.3)

Until Week 13 Brain had been leading a charmed season, winning 6 straight games heading into a division deciding matchup with Marky Mark. That win streak was snapped in abrupt fashion, dropping Brian from the 3 seed to the 5 seed and into a first round playoff bout with the defending champ. His current LPR is his 4th highest, and sits 47th all time.

6. 2 Feet’s In (5-8) – 127.3 LPR (down .6)

If playoff berths were awarded by LPR, Jack would have just snuck his two feets in. Unfortunately for him, the most important number is wins, and 5 just doesn’t cut it. Jack faced just a brutal schedule this year, having nearly 100 more points against than the next closest team, and facing a slate of teams that put up more points against him than even Vaf put up this year. You can’t chalk it all up to points against though – Jack was middle of the pack in points for, middle of the pack in LPR, and ultimately just a little shy of middle of the pack in wins. And when the chips were down, he had his chance to get that 6th W in the season finale, but couldn’t close the deal. Jack has now missed the playoffs for a second straight year. This was his 5th best season (out of 11 total) and 80th all time. 

7. Down With The Brown (5-8) – 125.6 LPR (down 2.4)

It’s tough to place the blame for an entire season on one trade, and probably not even fair to do so, but Nick’s downfall began when he made what was supposed to be a blockbuster trade for Michael Thomas. The big chips included in the deal, at least at the time, all went on to have disappointing seasons. Where Nick lost the deal was with the the throw in of waiver wire pickup rookie WR Justin Jefferson. Jefferson immediately exploded, propelling Mark to an improbable division title, while Nick’s team steadily fell off the map from title contender to missing the dance altogether. From week 4, Nick went from a 3-1 record and 149 LPR to ultimately a 5-8 record with an LPR nearly 25 points lower. He finished 5th in total points behind 4 130+ point performances, but in his last 8 games went 0-6 when he failed to reach that mark, never topping 112 points in any of those crushing losses. Like Jack, this season ranks 5th of 11 for Nick in LPR, and 88th overall. Just below average for what looked like such a promising season.

8. The Knights of Ryan (6-7) – 124.98 LPR (down 3.5)

We can’t talk end of season collapses without discussing Olsen’s. After a 6-4 start, Ry O looked to be in the driver’s seat to ending his playoff drought and earning a wild card. 3 straight losses later and Knights fans are asking themselves what the hell just went wrong. In firm control of his own destiny even up until Week 13, Olsen let it all slip away with back to back 62 point outings in the last two critical games. Warning signs first popped up back in Week 8, where he lost an absolute soul crusher in a rivalry week water pistol fight with BJC (77-64). This season ranks 6th of 16 in LPR for Olsen, but you could throw the number out for this one – this was one of his worst seasons ever given the way it ended.

9. Meat Mavens (6-7) – 121.2 LPR (up 1.1)

Hey, its the Maven! The number 6 seed and final wild card team slots in all the way down at number 9 in the LPR, but he doesn’t care about all that because in the end he’s dancing. Ant’s current LPR is 109th all time, and if he finishes at that mark he would be the 10th worst team to make the postseason. The beauty of the postseason though is that there’s still games to be played baby. If Ant intends to get where he’s been searching his whole League career, that number will rise. He’ll have to put up better numbers than he has though if he’s going to run the gauntlet through a playoff field of at least 3 teams who have eyes on the upper echelon of League history.

10. Del Boca Vista (4-9) – 118.0 LPR [down 2.5]

It was a season to forget for Jay Hey, as he was denied his serenity now and will have to once again partake in the ugly underbelly of The League’s Anthem Bracket. Jay peaked in Week 5, after a decisive victory over Diamonds pushed him to 3-2 and a 144 LPR. He’s won one game since, promptly dropping 3 in a row and then 4 in a row to end the regular season. Del Boca Vista found a lively community in the trade market and waiver markets this year, making a bevy of moves that have drawn questions from pundits, namely: what would have happened if he just stuck with the team he drafted? Hindsight is 20/20, and unfortunately we can never know the answers to the question. What we do know is that Jay’s chances of hoisting the trophy have been foiled yet again. This was his 4th worst season in LPR, and the only 3 times he finished worse he finished in 12th place.

11. La-Hoo-Za-Her (3-10) – 113.7 LPR (up 4.8)

Hey, the Commish isn’t in last place in something! He’ll take it after what has been a miserable year almost from the jump. Give credit, or don’t, for battling to the finish and making at least some sort of impact on the playoff mix, but that’s about all that’s gone right this season. The Commish at least avoided having a historically bad season, and put up respectable point totals, finishing 7th in points. All that was good enough to just come up painfully short week after week. La-Hoo-Za-Her nearly perfected mediocrity, crushing along while putting up over 100 points in 12 of 13 weeks but never topping 130 until Week 13. Hey, maybe he’s peaking at the right time to avoid the Anthem? This is The Commish’s second worst season of all team in LPR, and the lowest single season win total of his career. He finishes up at 137th in the all time rankings.

12. So Much Honey (4-9) – 112.0 LPR (up 2.6)

Bringing up the rear is our champ from only 2 seasons ago. Cody had a League-best 4 year run of playoff appearances, and had reached the dance in 6 of the last 7 years, culminating in his 2018 title. That streak has now been snapped. On the bright side, Cody’s 6 game winless drought built up enough pressure to finally release in an overflow of honey which consumed rival Jay Hey in their Week 13 showdown, in the process avoiding a tie with the Commish for the League’s worst record which would have dropped him to the 12 seed in the Anthem bracket as well. Unfortunately, all that got him was a wet towel cleanup and the 11th seed. Cody enters the Anthem Bracket with his 3rd worst season of all time (147th overall), and his worst since his 2-11 finish way back in 2012. He came in last that year, one year before the Anthem punishment first came into existence. He’ll be hoping for a happier ending this time.