BREAKING: Meade Under Investigation By League Officials

BATHROOM STALL, NEW YORK — The Commissioner’s Office on Thursday afternoon formally opened an investigation into the actions of League Owner Shaun L. Meade in connection with the death of a mouse, affectionately known as Clarence in rodent circles, found on Meade’s property. According to Meade, Clarence was near death when Meade discovered him, and Meade only intended to put Clarence out of his misery when he crushed the Clarence’s skull with the heel of his shoe.

The League is highly sensivitive to accusations of brutal animal murders given the previous bad press that swirled around The League after Owner Mark J. Richter’s cold, calculated and senseless slaughter of his beloved pet fish Lenny. League officials have officially declared Clarence’s death a homicide, and are planning a full investigation of Meade’s actions. The Commish’s office is urging anyone who has information regarding Clarence’s death to come forward. We will update you as more information becomes available.

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