The Constitution


We the members of The League, in order to form a more perfect League, establish justice, insure fantasy tranquility, promote the general welfare of The League, and secure the blessings of the Fantasy Football Gods, do ordain and establish this Constitution for The League.

Article I:
The Owners

Section 1. The League will be composed of no more and no less than 12 teams, owned by 12 distinct and individual owners.

Section 2. All owners from the previous League season will have the right to retain their franchise if they so choose, unless ¾ of The League’s owners vote to terminate the ownership rights of a member.

Section 3. Any owner who relinquishes their membership to The League will be replaced by the longest-tenured eligible individual on the League Waiting List.

Section 4. Ownership is contingent upon the payment of the annual League membership fee at The Draft. The Commissioner of The League will determine the fee prior to the start of The League year. The fee will never be reduced, but may be raised annually.

Section 5. Due to the heightened potential for bribery, collusion, and general fuckery, no significant other of any League member shall be permitted to own a League team.

Article II:
The Commissioner

The Commissioner of The League is the honorable Nicholas Klubeck. He holds a lifetime appointment to the position. The Commissioner (herein after referred to as “The Commish”) is in charge of the day-to-day operation and safeguarding the well-being of The League. Interpretation of The Constitution and all potential matters of dispute not covered in The Constitution will be resolved by The Commish’s decision, which is final. Long may he reign.

Article III:
League Setup

Section 1: Rosters Each team will have 15 roster spots. It is mandatory that every roster has 1 QB, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, 1 RB/WR/TE, 1 TE, 1 K, and 1 DEF. The remaining 6 spots on the roster can be filled with players from any position.

Section 2: Scoring By default, the scoring system going in to any given year will be identical to the scoring system used the previous season. If there are any proposed changes to the scoring system from the previous year that will greatly affect draft strategy, the Commish will announce them at least 2 weeks prior to The Draft. The scoring system is available for all to view on The League’s homepage.

Section 3: Divisions. The 12 League teams will be divided into 3 divisions of 4 teams. The divisions will be determined by draft order. The teams with the 1st, 6th, 7th, and 12thpicks will be placed into the East Division. The teams with the 2nd, 5th, 8th, and 11thpicks will be placed into the Central Division. The teams with the 3rd, 4th, 9th, and 10thpicks will be placed in the West Division.

Section 4: Schedule. The schedule will be determined by The Commish prior to The Draft using a schedule generator found online. Teams within the same division will play each other twice, once during the first 3 weeks of the regular season and once during the final three weeks of the regular season (weeks 11, 12, and 13). Between the divisional play periods, teams will face all but one of their non-divisional foes.

4.1 Rivalry Week: Each season, The Commish will designate one week of the schedule as Rivalry Week. Each owner will “wager” $10 in waiver wire funds during Rivalry Week.  The winners of the Rivalry Week matchups will be awarded $10 in waiver wire funds.  The losers of the Rivalry Week matchups will be given the option to relinquish $10 of their own waiver wire funds or to pay a fine to The League in the amount of $20 cash.  In the event a Rivalry Week loser has less than $10 available in their waiver wire budget, they may elect to pay the $20 cash fine or to surrender the remainder of their waiver wire funds and pay a cash fine that it is equal to double their waiver wire wager shortfall (i.e. if a Rivalry Week loser has $6 remaining in waiver funds, they may surrender their waiver funds and pay an $8 cash fine). Any fines paid to The League pursuant to this provision will be added to the payout made to The League Champion at the conclusion of the season as detailed in Article VIII.

Article IV:
Draft Lottery

Section 1. The Draft Lottery will be scheduled by The Commish and shall take place approximately two weeks before the annual Draft is scheduled to take place. The final standings from the prior year shall be used to determine the order in which the picks will be drawn. The 12thplace finisher will draw first, the 11thplace finisher will draw 2nd, etc.

Section 2. All owners shall be given at least 1 hour of notice before The Lottery is to be held, so that they can attend if they so wish. The Commish and, at minimum, 5 additional League members must be in attendance before the Lottery can be held. Any League member not in attendance may request video evidence of the proceedings, and such a request must always be granted if technologically possible.

Section 3.  The method by which The Lottery is to be drawn shall be determined by The Commish on a yearly basis.  At all times, the Lottery method must have an inherent randomness so as to avoid any unfairness to all League members, specifically those that cannot be in attendance at the Lottery.

Section 4: The Hennin-Richter Rule. Once The Lottery is drawn, all draft positions are final. Due to the potential for scandal, conspiracy, and collusion, no trading of draft picks shall be permitted.

Article V:
The Draft

Section 1. The location and date of The Draft shall be determined approximately one month in advance, with every attempt made to accommodate all owners’ schedules.

Section 2. If an owner cannot be in attendance, he may choose to attend via conference call, Skype, or some other technological means. Except in extreme emergency circumstances and unless ¾ of The League approve, no outside proxies may be used to draft for a League owner. No other owner can draft for him, and there will be no drafting based on pre-set rankings.

Section 3. The Commish will provide every owner with a blank roster sheet and a copy of Yahoo!’s positional rankings at The Draft. All other draft day materials are the responsibility of the individual owner.

Section 4. ALL League membership fees are due on Draft Day. The money will be collected and held in a safe place by The Commish.

Section 5: Rule Changes & Amendments. Prior to Opening Ceremonies, any outstanding rule and amendment proposals must be decided upon. Proposed changes to statistical categories that will greatly alter draft strategies must be brought to the attention of The League at least two weeks prior to the Draft. Any other proposals must be brought to the attention of The Commish at least the day before the Draft, so he has time to place them on the agenda. Amendments to The Constitution require a vote of at least 2/3, or 8 of 12,  of the owners to be approved. Amendments to The Constitution shall have the same force and effect as if they were contained within the original Constitution. However, no League owner shall be punished for violations that occurred before an amendment was passed.New amendments will be named after the owner(s) who proposed them or identified the problem.

Section 6: The Diamonds Decree. Should any owner arrive at the designated Draft location one hour or more after The Draft start time as designated by The Commish, and no other owner has been designated as “Beer Bitch” for any other reason prescribed by The Constitution, said late-arriving owner shall be designated as Beer Bitch for The Draft.

Section 7: Draft Day Rituals. Prior to the commencement of The Draft, The Opening Ceremonies and the Draft Day Rituals MUST be observed.

7.1 First, the owner of the last place team from the previous season, as determined pursuant to The Resolution Jobinson (as defined in Article VII, Section 2), shall be required to shotgun a domestic, non-light beer of his choice. He must then sing, in the presence of all other League owners and to the best of his abilities, the National Anthem of the United States of America.

7.1.1 The singer of The Anthem must perform flawlessly. If even one word is omitted or mistaken, or the singer does not put enough gusto, pizzazz, and/or flair into the performance (according to The Commish’s judgment), the singer will be designated as the “Beer Bitch” for the entirety of The Draft.  The Beer Bitch will be responsible for going to the fridge and grabbing a beer for any owner who requests a fresh cold one, so long as the Beer Bitch is not “on the clock” at the time of the request. Failure to do so, or intentional tampering with any beers on the return trip from the fridge, will result in the forfeiture of draft picks, fines, or other sanctions.

7.1.2 The Jay Hey Compromise. Should the singer of The Anthem be designated as the Beer Bitch by reason of his failure to properly perform the Nation Anthem as described in Section 7.1.1 of this Article, the Beer Bitch must wear The League’s official beer wench outfit for the entirety of The Draft, including all accessories, unless agreed otherwise by ¾ of League owners.

7.2 At the conclusion of The National Anthem, the Champion from the previous year will present Ol’ Glory for all to see. He will then proceed to make The Champion’s Speech, in which he addresses the crowd and may talk as much uninterrupted smack as he so desires.

7.3 Following The Champion’s Speech, The Commish will make his Annual Address to the League. At the end of The Commish’s Address, the members of The League will all rise from their chairs and join in the Ceremonial Chug. This signifies the start of The Draft.

Section 8: The Draft Process

8.1 There shall be 15 rounds of The Draft. The rounds shall proceed in “snake” order (1stpick in 1stround = 12th pick in 2ndround, 2ndpick in 1stround = 11thpick in 2ndround, etc.)

8.2 Each owner shall chart his selections on the official roster sheet provided by The Commish. At the conclusion of The Draft, the roster sheets are to be submitted to The Commish for entrance onto The League page.

8.3 Each team must select at least 1 QB, 2 RBs, 2 WRs, 1 TE, 1 additional WR, RB, or TE, 1 Defense, and 1 Kicker.

8.4 Once on the clock, each owner will have an agreed-upon amount of time in which to make his selections. Any owner who fails to make his selection within this amount of time on more than one occasion must take one shot of liquor, with the reigning League Champion designating the liquor of choice for that year’s Draft. Repeat offenses will result in the owner being forced to pass on the pick, and waiting until the following owner makes his selection, until he is back on the clock.

8.5 A player may only be drafted once, and by one team. Any owner may request to know if a player was previously drafted, but the knowledge of prior draft selections is ultimately his responsibility. Selecting a player who has already been drafted will result in name-calling and a penalty of one shot of alcohol.

8.6 The Sproles Protocol. Heckling of another owner’s picks is not only permitted, but extremely encouraged.

Article VI:
Roster Maintenance and Player Acquisitions

Section 1: Game Day

1.1 Each owner has the responsibility of playing the roster that they sincerely believes gives them the best opportunity to win in that given week.

1.2 The only time it is permissible for an owner to not start a player at a given position is if he is currently ahead in points and his opponent has no remaining starters for the week.

1.3 If an owner, for any reason, is not able to make changes to his lineup, he may contact The Commish and ask him to make the changes for him as long as there is ample time before kickoff. The Commish will notify The League in such a scenario. Requests for The Commish to make lineup changes on an owner’s behalf are binding and will be made unless officially revoked by the owner requesting the change prior to kickoff, without exception.

1.4 If an owner has a roster slot open (either due to bye week or simple oversight, NOT injury), but has a backup player (not on bye, or OUT) available on their bench, then The Commissioner must insert the available player in the open roster slot. If two eligible bench players exist then the player with the highest average projected point output for that week according to Yahoo should be inserted. The Commish is only to take such action if he is aware of the situation, kickoff is within 10 minutes, and The Commish cannot locate or contact the owner that allowed the situation to occur. Repeat offenders may have their League membership status placed up for review in the following season.

1.5 Failure to abide by any of the provisions in Article VI, Section 1 will result in punishments levied by The Commish.

Section 2: Waiver Wire

2.1 Once a game has kicked off, all available players from that game are placed onto the waiver wire until Wednesday of the following week.

2.2 Dropped players are also placed on waivers for 2 days.

2.3 Waiver claims are processed using the FAAB system on Yahoo. FAAB stands for Free Agent Acquisition Budget. Every add/drop is granted via a blind bidding system that is processed automatically. Each time an owner has an add/drop processed they will be placed at the bottom of the FAAB order. If there is a tie for a player, the FAAB order is used; the owner that is higher in the list will receive the player and be moved to the bottom. Each owner will start the season with a waiver budget of $100.

2.4 Once a player has cleared waivers, he can be added to any roster freely.

Section 3: Trading

3.1 Trades will be allowed from the end of The Draft until the Friday preceding the Week 11 games.

3.2 All trades require the approval of The Commissioner before they are processed.

3.3 Pending trades may only be vetoed if the players involved in the trade are not of reasonably comparable value, if the trade clearly does not improve both teams, and/or there is a general air of scandal, collusion, and conspiracy surrounding the trade. As a general rule, only extremely lopsided trades will be overturned.

Article VII:
The Playoffs & The Anthem Bowl

Section 1: The Playoffs. The Playoffs are a single elimination tournament starting in Week 14 and concluding in Week 16, with the victor being named League Champion.

1.1 The Playoff Teams. 6 teams will qualify for The Playoffs. The Division leaders at the end of the 13 week regular season will be declared the Division Champion and will automatically receive playoff berths. The three teams with the best record who did not win their division will qualify for the playoffs as wild cards.

1.2 Division Tiebreakers. If two or more teams tie for the lead in a division, the following tie breakers will be used to determine the division winner: 1) Division winning percentage; 2) Total fantasy points scored in the regular season; 3) Head to Should any owner arrive at the designated Draft location one hour or more after The Draft start time as designated by The Commish, and no other owner has been designated as Beer Bitch for any other reason prescribed by The Constitution, said late-arriving owner shall be designated as Beer Bitch for The Draft.head record during the regular season (if only two teams are tied); 4) Fantasy points scored in Week 13; 5) Fantasy points scored in Week 12; 6) The comparison continues until the tie is broken or there are no more Weeks to compare. At that time, a coin flip will determine the Division Winner.

1.2.1 If three or more teams tie for the division lead, once the division winner is determined all other teams involved in the tieare seeded using the wild card tie breaking criteria described in Article VII, Section 1.3.

1.3 Wild Card Tiebreakers. If two or more teams are tied for a Wild Card spot, the following tie breakers will be used to determine seeding: 1) Total fantasy points scored in the regular season; 2) Head to head record during the Regular Season; 3) Fantasy points scored in Week 13; 4) Fantasy points scored in Week 12. 5) The comparison continues until the tie is broken or there are no more Weeks to compare. At that time, a coin flip will determine the seeding.

1.3.1 Ties between two or more separate Division Champions will be broken using these criteria.

1.4 Seeding. The top two Division Champions according to record and, in the case of a tie, the tie breaking procedures described above, will be seeded 1stand 2ndin the playoffs, and will earn a first round bye as their reward. The other Division Champion will be seeded 3rd, and the Wild Cards will be seeded 4th, 5th, and 6thbased on winning percentage and the tie breaking process, if applicable.

1.5 Wild Card Weekend. The Week 14 games shall be deemed Wild Card Weekend. The 3rdseed shall play the 6thseed, and the 4thseed shall play the 5thseed.

1.6 The League Semifinals. The Week 15 games shall be deemed The League Semi-Finals. The 1stseed shall play the lowest seeded team remaining in the playoffs. The 2ndseed shall play the higher seeded team that advanced from Wild Card Weekend.

1.7 3rd Place Game. The losers in both of The League Semi-Final matchups shall play each other in Week 16 to determine the 3rdplace team for The League season.

1.8 The League Championship Game. The League Championship Game shall be played in Week 16 between the two winners in the semi-final matchup. The winner shall be crowned League Champion.

Section 2: The Anthem Bowl. The teams that fail to make the playoffs shall “compete” in a 6 team, 3 week tournament known as The Anthem Bowl Tournament. At the conclusion of The Anthem Bowl Tournament, the loser of the tournament will be deemed to have finished in last place and the owner of said team will sing The National Anthem at the following year’s draft in accordance with Article V, Section 7.

2.1 The Resolution Jobinson. The “Consolation Bracket” as utilized by Yahoo! is hereby abolished for Anthem Bowl Tournament purposes. Instead, the loser of the Anthem Bowl Tournament will be decided pursuant to the following provisions of this Section. The Commish shall take all such steps as are necessary in order to carry out the terms of The Resolution Jobinson.

2.1.1 In Week 14, the team who finished the Regular Season in 7th place shall face the team who finished in 10th place, and the team who finished in 8th place shall face the team who finished in 9th place. The winners of the Week 14 games will face each other in Week 15, to determine who finishes in 7th and 8th place in the Final League Standings.

2.1.2 The losers of the Week 14 games will continue on to face the teams who finished the Regular Season in 11th and 12th place, such that the 11th place team will face the lower-seeded team of the Week 14 losers and the 12th place team will face the higher-seeded team of the Week 14 losers. The winners of the Week 15 games will face each other in Week 16 to determine who finishes in 9th and 10th place in the final League standings.

2.1.3 The Anthem Bowl.The losers of the two Week 15 games described in the above Section will face each other in Week 16 in The Anthem Bowl to determine who finishes in 11th and 12th place in the final League standings, with the loser finishing the season in last place.

2.2 The seeding for The Anthem Bowl Tournament will be determined in the same manner as the seeding for The Playoffs.

Section 3. If two teams should tie in any Playoff or Anthem Bowl tournament game, the following tie breakers will be used to determine the victor: 1) the combined fantasy points scored during the week in question for the top 3 highest scoring players on each respective team; 2) the most total TDs scored by each team during the week in question; 3) head to head record between the teams during that year’s regular season; 4) Yahoo!’s default tie-breaking procedure or, if both owners involved in the tie agree, Trial by Combat.  The Commish shall take such necessary steps to implement the terms of this provision.

Article VIII:
The Spoils

Section 1. At the conclusion of the season, prizes shall be given out. The payout structure will be determined prior to The Draft.

Section 2. The League Champion shall also be awarded The League Trophy, Ol’ Glory. The engraving fee (typically $20), shall be deducted from the Champion’s overall winnings. Ol’ Glory must be turned over to The League Champion as soon as he requests it.

2.1 Ol’ Glory is more than just a trophy; it is a symbol of the sanctity and general greatness of The League and its Champions. As such, the holder of the trophy shall treat it with the upmost respect and make certain that no harm shall ever come to it while it is in their possession. If harm does befall Ol’ Glory, repairs and/or replacement fees will come out of the offending party’s pocket.

2.2 ONLY owners who are currently or have previously been crowned League Champion are permitted to touch the trophy. Non-Champions are allowed to look at it, but are discouraged from staring too long. Violators of this provision may be jinxed by the Fantasy Gods.

Article IX:
Punishments and League Investigations

Section 1. The Commish has sole power in levying punishments and sanctions against owners who fail to abide by The League’s Constitution. Punishments may include, but are not limited to, the forfeiture of draft picks (by designating a kicker or defense to be taken in a certain round), the deduction of money from waiver wire budgets, the changing of team names, assigning various Draft Day duties (“Beer Bitch”, “Sticker Bitch”, etc.), and banishment from The League.

Section 2. If The Commish or other League owners suspect wrong-doing, a formal League investigation may follow. Failure to cooperate with a League investigation and lying to League investigators will result in punishments and sanctions such as those mentioned in Section 1 of this Article.

Article X:
The 10 League Commandments

1.   Thou shalt honor The League and Ol’Glory above all other false idols and lesser leagues
2.   Thou shalt not engage or attempt to engage in collusion
3.   Thou shalt not offer, accept, or exchange cash or other goods of monetary value for players on another team
4.   Thou shalt play out the season no matter where they are in the standings
5.   Thou shalt set their lineup every week
6.   Thou shalt not dump players from their roster in an attempt to undermine The League
7.   Thou shalt not abuse the waiver wire process
8.   Thou shalt not harm, desecrate, steal, or otherwise dishonor Ol’ Glory
9.   Thou shalt respond to trade offers in a reasonable time
10.  Thou shalt never engage in actions that compromise the integrity of The League