COMMISH’S BATHROOM STALL, NEW YORK – – In an apparent Hail Mary attempt to turn his season around, Meat Mavens owner and operator Big Tony Barlotta struck agreements with Team Thanos and Knights of Ren management on a pair of early season trades that figure to reshape the landscape of The League dramatically.
In all, the Meat Mavens shipped off second round pick Jordan Howard, 4th round pick Larry Fitzgerald and 5th round pick Tom Brady, along with free agent acquisition Tyler Eifert. In exchange, Tony acquired TY Hilton, Cooper Kupp, Kenyan Drake, Randall Cobb and Trey Burton.
The Meat Mavens are hoping that the pair of deals inject some life into the 0-3 team, particularly the woefully underwhelming wide receiver corps.
Upon the news of the second trade with The Knights of Ren breaking this afternoon, Tony issued a public statement to The League at large which seemed to indicate that the trades were as much about sending a message to the remaining players on the team as it was about improving the roster. “I demand results, plain and simple. Not including the playoff game last year I lost a total of 3 games,” Tony said. “I’m 0-3 it’s time things get shaken up and start a new chapter of this young season. Pat and the Mavens are ready to slaughter the cows.”
In yesterday’s trade, the Mavens struck a deal to send Jordan Howard to the 3-0 Team Thanos. Howard should add more strength to the ground game of the already formidable Hennin squad, especially ahead of his Week 4 rematch of last years League Championship Game against reigning champ Jacky G.
Today, the Mavens shipped Tom Brady and Larry Fitz over to the 0-3 Knights of Ren, in a move that both owners are hoping will turn the season around. While Olsen has started the season winless, there was still a sense of optimism around the team that has performed well but was unable to pick up a W in what has been a buzzsaw of a division, at least in the early-going.
How these trades will play out in the long run is anyone’s guess at the moment, but this much is clear – the 2018 League season is just beginning to heat up.